Starting to come to terms
I have always wanted children and have only learnt in the last 10 months that this will never be. I am slowing adjusting to my new identity as "childless". I use this term as I still see it as a loss. One day I hope to identify myself as something else but at this stage I am still seeing it as a loss.
And here begins my story....
I had finally met "the one" at 25 and after 2 years together we were engaged, planning to marry and start our family. Just short of my 27th Birthday we found out that I had cervical cancer that would require a hystorectomy. The day before my 27th Birthday I was released from hospital, minus a uterus and scheduled for radiotherapy.
9 months later I am still unsure as to whether my ovaries will continue to work, but am happy to be cancer free... at this stage, but only time will tell.
And so our childless lives begin.
My fiance has been supportive through it all but I still find it difficult to deal with my feelings of inadequacy. Not to mention that I'm at an age where all of my friends are either trying to fall pregnant, are pregnant, or already have young children. Needless to say, I feel lost. I dont know how to adjust or if I ever will.
I find myself purposely making others feel uncomfortable when they ask "are you trying", "when are you going to have kids", or if they even bring up the topic of adoption or surrogacy. People seem to approach my situation with, "You can always adopt", or "have you thought about surrogacy?". They just dont understand, It's not that easy.
I'm just so happy to find a group of women out there who are in similar situations. Whether you choose to be childfree or find yourself without child by circumstance or illness, there doesn't seem to be a lot of support. I'm just glad to have found somewhere I can connect with other in a similar life situation.